Tag-Archive for » overeating «

+ Emotional abuse by mother relieved

Kaitlin (name changed) aged around 60, a single software Engineer, attended 6 of my classes. She was emotionally abused by her mom for more than 47 years. And it continued even when her mother was 80+ and dependent on her help for daily living. Kaitlin attended therapy but it did not help her get over this root cause of her stress. The following changes were reported by her during the classes. 

Before the classes 
  • Emotionally abused by mom ever since she turned 13. Mom used to fill her plate with food and force her to empty it. When she emptied it, she would fill it again. She gained weight. Then mom taunted her for being fat. She was always criticizing and controlling.
  • Mother’s taunts: She agitatedly spoke about her distress from her mother’s taunting words. She did not know how to handle her.
  • Insomnia: Not able to sleep without TV. Leaving TV on, reading, difficulty falling asleep, waking up 2 to 3 times, Not able to get back to sleep.
  • Anxiety in the morning about the work.
  • Eating unhealthy
  • Diabetic – 10 years
  • Stress at work – Losing patience.
  • Anger
  • Obesity
  • Stress about job relocation.
  • Diet: Comfort foods like candies,cookies, overeating throughout the day.
  • No physical exercise.
  • Brother’s behavior was a big source of stress. Felt helpless against his cheating and irresponsible behavior.
Her ‘Focusing on breathing’ Practices and more 
  • Tip mode (1)
  • Segment mode (1)
  • Counting mode (1)
  • Waking up (2)
  • Driving (3)
  • I repeatedly introduced the concepts of my articles on ‘Relationships’ and discussed them during the classes to help her internalize them and use them in her interactions with her mother (4).
Now
  • Mother’s abusive behavior: From the fourth class onwards, she did not speak a word about her mom. Instead she started focusing on her own goals like her obesity, stress at work etc.
  • Episodes of anger at work less by 70%. “If someone upsets me I let it pass. Only one episode in the last 3 weeks. Anger less by 70%.”
  • Anxiety about relocation of job is less by 70%. “I put things  out of my mind.”
  • Focus – Better
  • Patience – better
  • More relaxed
  • Overeating at night.
  • Not procrastinating.
  • Confidence improved. 
  • Assertiveness improved.
  • In general more active.
  • Accomplishing more.
  • Overeating in general: Less by 20%. Cut down on cookies and candies.
  • Practicing Yoga nidra.
  • Exercise: Started again after one year, on weekends. Stationary bike 20 min, walking 10 min.
  • Less body stiffness.
  • Doing ‘Albany peace project’ meditation at night.

(1) How can I ‘Focusing on breathing’
(2) Waking up ‘focusing on breathing’
(3) ‘Focusing on breathing’ during driving
(4) My articles – Relationship related

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* Only doing works, not just knowing

I learned this lesson from a funny experience in our kitchen area.

The trash can has been in the laundry room which is adjacent to the kitchen for many years. All our family members must have made thousands of trips to it by now. Sometime back, we had to temporarily relocate the trash can a few feet away , by the side of the kitchen island. This was to create space around the washer for opening it and replace some parts. Getting the parts and replacing them took about 10 days. We had been seeing the trash can in its new location, several times during the day. During this period , I learned the lesson that we can’t do the right thing, just by knowing what is to be done and how. Knowing is simply not enough. You won’t believe it unless you experience something like this. Read on …

After the trash can was moved, every time we had to drop something in it, we quickly walked to its original location, only to find it missing there, recollect its new location and walk to the new location. After this happened a few times on the first day, I cursed myself for forgetting the fact of its new location, even though I saw it in the new location several times while walking in the kitchen area. I thought my brain would guide my feet to the correct location, at least from the second day. But no! Not only the second day, but for several more days, I continued walking to the  original location, cursed myself and walked over to the new location. The first few times, it was a funny experience. Then it was very frustrating and irritating. After a few days, I gave up all my negative thinking. I realized that an action repeated thousands of times, can’t be changed just by knowing the revised action intellectually. The intellect, with all its knowledge about the new location of the trash can, could not make my feet walk to its new location. It was incapable of redirecting my feet.

My stupid action of walking to the wrong location of the trash can corrected itself, after about 7 days. I would still walk towards the old location, half way through suddenly realize that it is at a different location and redirect my feet. I was happy for this huge improvement. Before my habit corrected itself 100%, the washer repair was done and the trash can went back to its good old location.  Not surprisingly, I quickly went back to the long established habit of walking to the old location. I might have walked to the new location only a few times. I was sort of relieved and happy to get into the old groove.

Now I fully sympathize with any one trying to change an old habit. If walking to the trash can can be so difficult to change, it is no wonder people find it so difficult to give up addiction to overeating, smoking, alcohol and angry outbursts and such habits, even after realizing their negative consequences.

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