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@ The three guys in the mind ‘Boss guy’, ‘Truth guy’ and ‘Image guy’

E-mail recently received from a client doing my classes:
“I have to be honest with you. When I told you I had gotten a blood test it was a lie. I didn’t get one. I’m not sure why I lied in the first place maybe it is what I had thought you would want to hear or maybe I was just scared to talk about my mental disorder at the time. However that is no excuse for my action. I am truly sorry for what I did but you deserve to know. At least I owe you that. The things you have shown me truly help. I am becoming a better person because of you.

I understand if you do not wish to meet anymore because of this & again I am sorry. Please do not stop what you are doing to help people because of what I have done.”

My response:
“I greatly appreciate your honesty and courage in confessing your lapse. What you lied about was your own personal matter, not affecting anyone else. That day you spoke in a manner you felt comfortable. Many of us do this. But all of us may not have the courage to confess, like you have shown. You had enough trust in me to confess. I consider myself privileged for earning that trust. Let us try to understand this incident in the broad human perspective.

There are three guys working in our minds. One is the ‘Boss guy’ who ultimately decides on the contradictory issues like a judge in a court. Second is the ‘Truth guy’ who cares only about telling the truth, not caring for the consequences.The third is an ‘Image guy’ who only cares about projecting a positive self image, to feel secure and please himself and others. He does not care how he achieves this goal. Often, a clash occurs in our minds between the second and third guys, like the one you have experienced.

The day you lied about the blood test, the ‘Image guy’ took over, suppressed the ‘Truth guy’ and made himself feel secure. After a few days, the ‘Truth guy’ who was feeling snubbed, presented his case strongly before the ‘Boss guy’. Finally the ‘Boss guy’ in you was strong enough to decide the case in favor of the ‘Truth guy’ and silenced the ‘Image guy’. Then you, the Boss guy sent this e-mail. All is well that ends well! I congratulate you for your achievement and hope my explanation above resolves any feeling of guilt you may be carrying in your heart.

Let us get back to business as usual. We learned a lesson. I am happy to be working with a person who has the courage to face the truth and confess to another person. I am looking forward to seeing you at the next class.”

Post script: He resumed the classes and working on his goals. He made appointment with the doctor for his annual physical exam and blood work.

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* Courage to take the decision

Let me know your own experience with this practice. It will be posted without your name. 

  • This is the feedback from a woman who attended two of my classes. She was in distress due to her husband’s insensitive behavior. She used to be submissive to her husband like a door mat. After enduring this for many years, she felt drained and reached a breaking point. She was informally practicing ‘focusing on breathing’ for some time, based on my hand outs (1). Now she wanted to intensify her practice and come out of her distress. She was already seeing a  counselor.  Her goal was to become assertive with her husband. She attended two of my classes.  One week after the first class, she gave this feedback –

“ I think the breathing helped me face a big decision I was afraid to make. It gave me the courage to face what I didn’t want to face. I made the decision and moved out of my home, away from my husband, for now. I’m not sure of the future but my heart told me, this was the right move for now. This is a very hard time in my life and I’m happy to have this skill to help me through. The breathing is helping me stay calm. ”

This is the first feedback of its kind.

(1) How to enjoy quality sleep and conquer insomnia
How to be calm Anywhere, Anytime


March 12, 2013:“I’m doing okay. Still using the breathing techniques and doing yoga. I’m feeling much better and even a sense of peace, some days.”

Related articles
My articles on ‘Relationships’
The ‘court room’ treatment for stressful thoughts: An effective treatment for your stressful thoughts that repeatedly pop into the mind. The client referred to in this post used this technique on her own, after I introduced it to her by enacting a court scene in my class, picking one stressful thought. She could effectively counter the feeling of guilt she inflicted by  herself and also by the one sided comments of her controlling sister who showed lot of sympathy for her husband but absolutely no concern for her.

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Parent page: Benefits for Mind, Body and Relationships

* I have made great improvements with my weight, self confidence and …

Feedback from my most remarkable client who has done 19 classes (6) over the last one year, more than any other client.

She earnestly makes plans based on my suggestions, takes her written down plans home and sincerely tries to implement them. She keeps in touch by e-mail between the classes. Her multidimensional progress is a tribute to her courage and persistence. Her progress gives me immense satisfaction. She is still doing the classes, determined to get over all her problems. Such cases give me the impression that when the person is ready for change, help comes from somewhere, and it is absorbed like a sponge. Her report –

“This is how I am trying to implement my plans based on your suggestions.

  • I do my daily breathing practice.
  • When I have bad thoughts wherever I am, I do my breathing and it helps to calm me down, along with saying my prayers.
  • I do my breathing every night and try to do 4 times on each hand but usually dont make it that far before I fall asleep.
  • I do my breathing in the morning along with saying my prayers while getting ready.
  • I try to stay very busy inside and outside the house.
  • I drink Metamucil fiber at night before bed, and it does help with my bowel movements in the morning.
  • I have changed my diet a lot:  More fish, more vegetables and fruits, more fiber and water throughout the day. I eat more fruits and vegetables than ever before. I have a banana for breakfast every morning, not good at eating lunch, and cut down on my meat intake for dinner. (4)
  • I have been making my husband’s lunch for him to carry to work. (1)
  • I now drink soy milk. (3)
  • I take fish oil pills with 2000mg of Omega 3 every day. I started putting flax seed on my food and also put it on husband’s peanut butter and jelly sandwiches without him knowing. (5)
  • I keep calm when my husband’s temper builds up and walk out of the room. This has changed his yelling behavior.
  • I’ve let my husband know “He cannot control me”.
  • I do read a spiritual book every night before bed. Sorry I am not good at writing the journal.
  • We are paying down the debts and consolidating them.
  • I did look for a walking partner by posting two ads, but have gotten no responses yet.
  • I still need to work on smoking. I’m not sure I can make a full commitment right now, it is very hard for me but I am still trying and have cut down a little. I have tried to change my smoking habits before bedtime, by not going to bed till I am very tired and feel sleepy. (2)
  • I did call about taking CPR training and they put me on the list for a free class in September. (1)

I have made these great improvements in the last year with your help:
My weight, my self confidence, my body pains due to lupus, my marriage problems, my sleeping habits, my eating habits, learning how to control my fear and much more. I can’t thank you enough.”


My notes
(1) She got this idea on seeing her husband gasp for breath recently. He is obese and does not care to do anything about it. She is worried he may have a heart attack one day. She is also trying to help him lose weight by not eating greasy outside food while at work.
(2) She smokes maximum number of cigarettes at night, after lying in the bed to sleep and not falling asleep. This suggestion was to break this behavior pattern.
(3) She had constipation for a long time. She was consuming lot of dairy products which were suspected to be the cause. On a trial basis, she was advised to avoid all dairy products for 2 months. Though she was very fond of yogurt, consuming about 4 cups a day, she gave it up with determination. This change eliminated her constipation.  Soy milk was replacement for diary milk.
(4) She hardly ate any vegetables or fruits before. Introducing fruits and veggies and cutting down meat helped her significantly in losing weight. She never ate any breakfast and lunch was irregular. She felt fatigued by mid day, aggravating her sensitivity to body pains.
(5) To get Omega 3 in view of her lupus and mental problems. Also to help improve her husband’s health.
(6) Seminars and classes

Her previous reports
I lost 30 pounds
I feel so much at peace now
My family life changed dramatically
I always leave your class feeling better

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