Tag-Archive for » anger «

+ Kavita Pandit’s secrets for managing stressful emotions

Kavita Pandit’s wonderful guest blog describing her two simple secrets for managing stressful emotions is presented here (1). I received this through her husband Hunaid Qadir who practices ‘Meditation on Breathing’.  Published with her permission. 

1. Re-grounding after experiencing an intense emotional reaction

We all occasionally face situations that cause us to experience intense anger, frustration, fear, or even humiliation. These situations can often be debilitating — everything else flees the mind and one becomes fixated on the issue causing this intense reaction. At such times I find it useful to temporarily separate myself mentally from my physical reactions. I do this by taking a survey or stock of my body. I observe my heightened heart palpitations, the flushing of my face, and heavier breathing. I may note that my fists are clenched or that I have stopped noticing what is going on around me. The very act of taking stock like this helps get me back to my previous mental state, and the disruption caused by the emotional reaction passes in minutes rather than hours.

2. Observing the world through a child’s eyes

How often has this happened to you? You go out for a walk on a pleasant day but your mind is so caught up in the events of the past or the future that you return from the walk and don’t remember anything about it. Your body has had the experience of the walk but your mind was somewhere else! Yet have you ever observed children playing outdoors? They are completely in the moment and their senses are fully attuned to even minute details of their surroundings. So now when I go out for a walk and my mind tries to drift I bring it back by asking “what would a child observe on this walk”? And amazingly I see the caterpillar on the ground, the bird’s nest, a flashy car driving by, or the lights coming on in the skyscrapers in the distance. No matter how trivial the observation it brings one into the magical moment!

(1) Kavita Pandit

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+ Emotional abuse by mother relieved

Kaitlin (name changed) aged around 60, a single software Engineer, attended 6 of my classes. She was emotionally abused by her mom for more than 47 years. And it continued even when her mother was 80+ and dependent on her help for daily living. Kaitlin attended therapy but it did not help her get over this root cause of her stress. The following changes were reported by her during the classes. 

Before the classes 
  • Emotionally abused by mom ever since she turned 13. Mom used to fill her plate with food and force her to empty it. When she emptied it, she would fill it again. She gained weight. Then mom taunted her for being fat. She was always criticizing and controlling.
  • Mother’s taunts: She agitatedly spoke about her distress from her mother’s taunting words. She did not know how to handle her.
  • Insomnia: Not able to sleep without TV. Leaving TV on, reading, difficulty falling asleep, waking up 2 to 3 times, Not able to get back to sleep.
  • Anxiety in the morning about the work.
  • Eating unhealthy
  • Diabetic – 10 years
  • Stress at work – Losing patience.
  • Anger
  • Obesity
  • Stress about job relocation.
  • Diet: Comfort foods like candies,cookies, overeating throughout the day.
  • No physical exercise.
  • Brother’s behavior was a big source of stress. Felt helpless against his cheating and irresponsible behavior.
Her ‘Focusing on breathing’ Practices and more 
  • Tip mode (1)
  • Segment mode (1)
  • Counting mode (1)
  • Waking up (2)
  • Driving (3)
  • I repeatedly introduced the concepts of my articles on ‘Relationships’ and discussed them during the classes to help her internalize them and use them in her interactions with her mother (4).
Now
  • Mother’s abusive behavior: From the fourth class onwards, she did not speak a word about her mom. Instead she started focusing on her own goals like her obesity, stress at work etc.
  • Episodes of anger at work less by 70%. “If someone upsets me I let it pass. Only one episode in the last 3 weeks. Anger less by 70%.”
  • Anxiety about relocation of job is less by 70%. “I put things  out of my mind.”
  • Focus – Better
  • Patience – better
  • More relaxed
  • Overeating at night.
  • Not procrastinating.
  • Confidence improved. 
  • Assertiveness improved.
  • In general more active.
  • Accomplishing more.
  • Overeating in general: Less by 20%. Cut down on cookies and candies.
  • Practicing Yoga nidra.
  • Exercise: Started again after one year, on weekends. Stationary bike 20 min, walking 10 min.
  • Less body stiffness.
  • Doing ‘Albany peace project’ meditation at night.

(1) How can I ‘Focusing on breathing’
(2) Waking up ‘focusing on breathing’
(3) ‘Focusing on breathing’ during driving
(4) My articles – Relationship related

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Seminar – Venture Inward

I offered the second seminar at ‘Venture Inward’ (2) on June 18, 2014 from 7 to 8.30 pm. This was set up by Margaret Kaufman owner of this business and a Hypnotherapist. Attended by total 5 adults, 4 female and 1 male. A set of my key handouts (1) was distributed to every participant. 

Scanned images of the feedback forms (without names)

Summary of the Feedback

I knew about this seminar from 

  • E-mail from ‘Venture Inward’ – 4
  • My mother. The sticker “Focusing on breathing’ was on her fridge. (Her mom attended my previous seminar and collected the sticker at the end of the class.)

My expectation from the seminar is fulfilled to level 

  • A+: 4
  • A: 1

I will use this technique for my (concern) 

  • Anger/ Frustration – 1
  • Stress, Panic, Parkinsons
  • Worrying, excessive thinking, stressful situations, everyday
  • Focus, Relax, High blood pressure
  • Help with focus for meditation

My take home from this seminar

  • How easy it is to share with my clients, family and friends! I will use it during my stressful meetings as well.
  • Valuable info.
  • I became very relaxed. This contradicts the saying “If it seems to be too good to be true, it usually is.”. Great class.
  • Wonderful portable relaxation technique to help detach from daily stresses. Great suggestions as how to incorporate into daily life easily and how to make it a daily practice.
  • I can control the situations with the breathing techniques.

I recommend this technique to other groups (name the group)

  • Senior citizens – Albany senior citizens & Colonie senior centers
  • School for special Ed classes

(1) Documents for download – for all the handouts
(2) ‘Venture Inward’ at 568 Columbia Turnpike East Greenbush NY 12061

Related pages
Public Seminars

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* Seminar at East Greenbush Library

I offered the 11th seminar at East Greenbush Community Library (1) on April 16, 2014 from 7 to 8.30 pm. Attended by total 14 adults, 12 female and 2 male. A set of my key handouts (2) was distributed to every participant.

Scanned images of Feedback forms

Summary of the Feedback

I knew about this seminar from 

  • Library newsletter – 4
  • Library website – 2
  • Sign in the library – 2
  • Friend – 2
  • My sister
  • Dr. Padma Sripada’s office
  • Prior seminar by same speaker years ago at Curves (East Greenbush – which has closed a couple of years back)

My expectation from the seminar is fulfilled to Grade …

  • A+    8
  • A       3
  • B+     1
  • No comment

I will use this technique for my (concern) 

  • Better sleep, Relaxation, Health, Reduce stress
  • Sleep – 2
  • Helping me sleep better
  • Stress, Anxiety
  • Stress
  • Stress release, Improve anger
  • Stress, Grief, Pain, Insomnia, Worry and Relaxation
  • Anxiety, Worry and Stress
  • Anxiety
  • To quiet my mind
  • To concentrate
  • Relaxation

My ‘Take home’ from the seminar ….

  • Practice and stick with it
  • How to sleep faster
  • Calmness, Acceptance
  • I really enjoyed the class, I hope this will help turn off my monkey mind when I try to sleep!
  • Very important breathing technique that I didn’t know
  • “Practice”
  • Breathe
  • Hope for less stress and anxiety, peace and serenity in our lives (husband and myself)
  • I am making a commitment to do this in the morning and night
  • Take time to practice the technique
  • I hope these techniques will help me sleep better
  • Live in the present, not in the past or future
  • Easy technique that I will try on obesity. Hope it works.

I recommend this seminar to (name the group)

  • Sister
  • Teen groups
  • Anyone young or old
  • You should teach this in every school
  • To my friends and family
  • My sisters

(1) East Greenbush Community Library
(2) Documents for download – All handouts

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Related pages
Public Seminars

* I am building a ‘New Me’!

Feedback from a client who achieved life changing benefits by practicing the ‘Focusing on breathing’ (8) initially on his own from my handouts and then attended 10 of my classes so far over last 6 months (3) . His previous reports are at (9).

“As someone who has fought the proverbial battle of the bulge most of his life, I know how hard it can be to make life changes. I have been through the crash diets, to doctors and so on with varying degrees of success. However the weight would always come back. I had pretty much given up.

Then one day, I picked up a handout on breathing mostly because it said it could help with my insomnia (1). To my surprise, it did help a lot and with more then just my lack of sleep (2).

Eventually, I was convinced to try taking the classes. Through the classes I have been keeping a food diary and trying new changes in my diet (4). I was even watching a subliminal video (5). This isn’t like the crash diets I’ve been on and its not pills.

In keeping the food diary, I am able to keep track of what I’m putting in my body (when you fist start, you may be shocked) (6). I started my changes gradually and in a way that I didn’t feel deprived. The changes I have made so far are

  • Drink water at least a half hr before food (7).
  • More whole unprocessed foods like vegetables and whole grains like brown rice and rye bread.
  • I added beans and salad to at least one meal a day.
  • And the real hard part – I cut down on my drinking beer and my meat (didn’t eliminate just cut down).

As I implemented these changes, I found my tastes have changed as well as my waistline from 46 to 44. I now only feel deprived if I miss my daily salad.

I have lost about ten ponds, in a sustainable way (300 lbs to 286 lbs in 5 months). I no-longer fear going back to the way I was.

I am building a ‘new me’.”

(1) How to enjoy quality sleep and conquer Inso

mnia PDF
How to enjoy quality sleep and conquer Insomnia Webpage
Relief from Insomnia – Success stories
(2) His first feedback on Insomnia and Stress
(3) Seminars and Classes
(4) His diet ‘before’ did not contain any significant vegetables, fruits or whole grains. Daily calorie count was above 3000 calories. He was drinking 20 measures of beer a week.
His ‘after’  classes  diet has regular salad, fruits, whole grains and beans. Beer cut down to 3 measures a week.  Daily calorie count gradually came down to around 14oo. He is steadily losing weight, coming down from 300 lbs to 286 in 5 months. Waist girth came down from 46 inches to 44. Best part is he developed taste for the healthier diet items and confident of keeping it up.
(5) I shared with him the free Subliminal video referred by another a person who came to my seminar and became a practitioner.
(6) I opened one google spread sheet for one week and shared with him. It is pre formatted so he can just post items and calories consumed through the day and instantly see the calorie count, daily and weekly. Just seeing the calorie count tremendously motivated him to control high calorie foods and empty calorie items like  like beer. I have been suggesting small changes periodically and motivating him to sustain the changes during the classes and on-line.
(7) Drinking water right quantity at the right time<
(8) How can I ‘focus on breathing’? 
(9) His previous reports
Relief from Depression, Addictions, Anger and Disturbing thoughts
Anger, Anxiety and Disturbed thoughts relieved
I cut back my mental health medicines
Insomnia and stress relieved

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* Incredible difference in my life

E-mail from Shelli (not her real name), a participant in my  seminar held for a spiritual group in 2012 (1). She responded to my Annual Update – 2014 (2) with this message. 

“I met you one of your seminars in 2012. I use your breathing exercises constantly (3). It has made an incredible difference in my life !!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!! “ 

I was thrilled to get this unbelievable comment and requested her to offer more details to inspire visitors to this website. She was kind enough to share these wonderful experiences.

“I use groups of 3 breaths, aloud upon breathing out, in all different combinations, depending on what I am doing, and where I am, and for how long.

When I am driving, I have to be careful to take breaks from doing it on long drives, as it leads me into meditation which makes it hard to stay focused on driving. The more I use this breathing practice, the more quickly and more deeply I am able to travel into meditative trance. (4)

I also use this in times of the need for more patience, for more empathy, for more understanding, to stem anger and any frustrations arising from situations, – basically, to regain my objectivity. (5)

I also use it during exercise–walking, cross country skiing, and kayaking. It increases my stamina and is calming during exertion. (6)

I’m not sure how well I am able to articulate how this simple breathing technique has changed my life. It has affected every aspect of my life, by changing me inside – both physiologically and metaphysically. I’m sure the chemical properties of breathing properly enhance better health and I feel wonderful. In conjunction with my spiritual readings and other practices, it is enabling my spirit journey. I feel much more in touch with my soul.” (7)

(1) About my seminars and classes
(2) Annual Update – 2014
(3) How can I focus on breathing
(4) How to drive like a Buddha?
(5) Relief from Anger – Success stories
(6) Walking and ‘focusing on breathing’

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@ 9th Grader with ADHD improves

Prakash (not his real name), a 9th grader with ADHD attended 8 of my classes over 5 months (1) . He has been attending special classes at school. His class performance was reported to be very good. His mom was averse to medication and wanted to try ‘focusing on breathing’ and related techniques to help improve his symptoms (2). He is my first client with ADHD. 

Prakash, his mom and younger brother in 6th grade jointly attended first 5 classes. Then he continued with solo classes.

What were his problems?
Anxiety, Anger, Impatience, Stress, Lack of focus, Nervousness, Frustration, Uncontrolled laughter and Lack of eye contact.

What modes did he practice?
First I introduced the regular modes of ‘focusing on breathing’. He liked them but the restless movement of his body and uncontrolled laughter ware not showing much reduction. On a hunch, I introduced the ‘Dynamic modes of ”focusing on breathing’ as an experiment (3). He liked these techniques a lot and practiced them on his own with very little prompting from his mom.

When did he practice?
Bedtime, Waking up, waiting, Stressed, Walking, Tired

His mom’s assessment of his improvements.

Anxiety: Reduced by 60%

Impatience: Reduced by 50%

Focus: Improved by 70%

His younger brother in 6th grade wrote his own impressions with the permission of his mother during the evaluation session.  

Anxiety: Decreased a little   

Patience
Before: He couldn’t wait
Now: He entertains himself doing the 911 mode and enjoys it.

Focus
Before: He couldn’t make eye contact. His head always faced the window.
Now: This is slowly decreasing.

Frustration
Before: When he was mad, he was yelling and out of control.
Now: This is slowly decreasing.

He does some chanting/ prayers taught to him by his grandma. He has been taking 1000 mg of EPA+DHA per day in the form of Fish oil on my suggestion.

I added waking up  routine and simple stretching and moving based on Yoga to his daily routines (4).

(1) ADHD – Page from National Institute of Mental Health 
(2) How can I focus on breathing?
(3) Dynamic modes
(4) Waking up routine    Loosening exercises – Yoga

Updates:
Feb 9, 2014: His mom said that in he recent PTA meeting with Prakash’s maths teacher, she said his focus improved and he could be put in regular class instead of the special class next year.

April 19, 2014: During the class 2 weeks back, his mom said his behavior was sometimes out of control at home. He was in the habit of pinching her and his younger brother and apologizing soon after. But he did nothing of that kind at school or outside. I told her privately his out of home behavior showed he had enough self awareness and self control with other people. I advised her that if he pinched her next time she should immediately tell him firmly “I don’t like to be pinched”. She should not get angry or blame him or comment on him at all.

Today when I called her to know how this new response to his pinching was working she said it had drastically reduced and she was happy for this improvement.

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