Seeing a person in a video, not a photo

When a person insults or hurts us, a single negative image of that person gets stuck in our mind. All other images of that person, good and bad, before and after that image, remain sort of behind a screen. The result is repeated self-hurting, hatred, so on. We find it almost impossible to dislodge that single negative image and the consequent distress, unable to get back to a healthy state of mind. In such situations, we can try the following process.

Choose an undisturbed time of about 30 minutes in a quiet place. Sit comfortably with back properly supported (not stooping) or lie down. Close your eyes. Practice one of the modes of ‘focusing on breathing’ for about 15 minutes (1). Then, recall the photo of that person and his negative actions (I am using ‘he’ but this could be ‘she’ as well). Let us assume he looks 40 years and shouting abuses. Imagine and visualize how that person would have looked and behaved at 35 years. If you don’t know how he might have behaved at that age, imagine freely using your common sense. Next, imagine  and visualize how that person might have looked and behaved at 30 years. Continue this process of visualizing his looks and actions till his infant stage, just born and lying eyes closed, by the side of his mother, breathing quietly.

Now, compose a video of that person’s actions from all the video bits just collected from current 40 years to a just born infant. Store this full life video in your memory. Every time the negative photo or video slice of that person comes into your mind, run the full life video of that person from your memory. Repeat this practice every time you feel negative about that person.

Over a few months of practicing this technique, you will not get stuck with the single negative image of that person.  You will see that person playing a role in a long video movie, rather than the single vicious bit of his or her life. No more distress?

If this process makes sense, extend the video into his future life, till the moment of his death. Imagine him growing older, losing his fitness and faculties, becoming helpless and dependent on others, for his daily needs, like how he was, as a just born baby, once upon a time. And finally, imagine him as he would look when he just died, lying motionless without breathing.

Whenever you get stuck with his negative posture or behavior, replay his full life video showing him as the just born infant to just dead lifeless body. Can you be stuck in anger, hatred etc. after running his secret whole life video?

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(1) How can I ‘Focus on breathing’?

Parent page: ‘Relationship’ related articles

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