Seeing a person in a video, not a photo

We often get stuck to a single image of a  person, good or bad. When a person insults or hurts us, that single negative image of that person gets stuck in our mind. All other images of that person, good and bad, before and after that image, remain sort of behind a screen. The result is repeated self-hurting, even though we were hurt  only once. We find it almost impossible to dislodge that single negative image and the consequent distress. In such situations, we can try the following process.

Choose an undisturbed time of about 30 minutes in a quiet place. Sit comfortably with back properly supported (not stooping) or lie down. Close your eyes. Practice one of the modes of ‘focusing on breathing’ (1) for about 15 minutes. Then, recall the photo of that person and his negative actions. Let us assume he looks 40 years and shouting abuses. Imagine and visualize how that person’s photo would have looked and behaved at 39 years. If you don’t know how he might have behaved at that age, imagine freely using your common sense. Next, imagine  and visualize how that person might have looked and behaved at 38 years. Continue this process of visualizing that person ‘s looks and actions till he reaches the just born infant age, lying by the side of his mother, eyes closed, breathing quietly.

Now, compose a video of that person’s actions from all the video bits taken above, from 40 years to an hour old infant. Keep this full life video in your memory. Every time the negative photo or video bit of that person comes into your mind, run this full life video of that person from your memory. Repeat this practice every time you feel negative about that person.

Over a few months of practicing this technique, you will not get stuck in the negative image groove about that person.  You will see that person as a long video play, rather than the single vicious negative slice of his/ her life. No more distress.

If this process makes sense, extend the video into  his future years, till his moment of death. Imagine him growing old year after year, losing his fitness,  and active faculties and becoming helpless and dependent on others for his daily needs, like he was when he was a child once upon a time. Whenever his behavior ruffles your mind, recall his full life video from just born to just dead.  How can you become angry or remain angry when you run this secret video of that person?

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(1) How can I ‘Focus on breathing’?

Parent page: ‘Relationship’ related articles

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