Not my problem!

This simple approach has relieved the stress of many with whom I shared it. Let me illustrate the concept and its practice, with a typical a dialogue I had with one of my client Christine. My name is ‘C S’  in the following dialogue.  Another case study of Eva is described next. 

“My Boss speaks abusively to me”  said Christine

Christine: My boss routinely uses insulting language in the office, even in presence of others. I feel very angry and clench my jaws and grind my teeth. I suffer from chronic neck pain. I suffer from insomnia thinking about all this at  night.

C S: Why does he behave like that? Do you think you deserve it?

Christine: No! I didn’t do anything to deserve such a treatment for him. He routinely behaves like that with all of the staff in the office.

C S: Why does he behave abusively with all the staff, most of the time?

Christine: He is nuts! He is a pervert!

C S: Why don’t you quit his office and find another job?

Christine: It is not possible to find another job in this economy. I have to stick to this job.

C S: OK. You said it is in his nature to behave abusively with all the staff. You and your coworkers are sure none of you did anything to trigger his repeated abusive behavior.  In other words, you are saying that  “HE” HAS A PROBLEM, NOT ANY OF YOU! Listen carefully.

If “HE” has the problem, he should be the one under stress! When you don’t have any problem, WHY ARE “YOU”  UNDER STRESS?  I don’t get it!

Whenever he talks like that, tell yourself silently “This guy has a big problem! He is nuts! That is why he is talking like this.  I AM OK.”

Christine sincerely followed this thought process and was so happy with the result. Her full report

Another Client – Eva cried

Eva (Not her real name) was under great distress due to the verbally abusive behavior of her boss. In the first session, she cried describing her agony. Her full report

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Parent page: My articles – Relationships related