He Insulted Me!

When does ‘his’ pen become ‘your’ pen?

I heard a spiritual teacher giving the bare bones of this idea on TV many years ago. I have put flesh on the bones.

He said “Suppose some one is trying to give his pen to you. It does not look good and you do not wish to receive it. When does his pen become your pen? It happens only when ALL the following events are fulfilled”.

1. You eyes focus on the pen held in his extended hand.

2. You show your readiness to receive it, extending your hand and opening your palm.

3. While seeing his pen moving towards your palm or even while feeling the pen being placed in it, you do not withdraw your hand.

4. You meekly grasp the pen placed in your palm.

5. You take the pen and place it in your pocket

6. You make sure you do not lose the pen.

If you fail to fulfill even one of the above conditions, his pen can not be with you.

Now think of all the ACTIONS you can take to avoid possessing his pen.

1. You LOOK AWAY from the pen. Failing this –

2. You DO NOT extend your hand or DO NOT open your palm showing your willingness to receive the pen. A pen can not be placed in a closed palm. Failing this –

3. When you see his hand moving towards your open palm and feel the pen being placed in it, you immediately withdraw your hand and let the pen fall to the ground, surprising him. Failing this –

4. You drop the pen as soon as he places it in your hand, shocking him. Failing this –

5. You take the pen behaving like a gentleman and go away. At the earliest opportunity you quietly drop it in the trash can with a smile on your lips for tricking him.

You thus have plenty of opportunities to avoid becoming the victim of the unwanted pen. When you fail to use these opportunities, is it fair to blame him for his success in transferring his pen to you?

You can now apply this simplistic analogy to adult life experiences – when somebody (say Paul) is trying to insult you or has already done it. Simply replace the pen in the above story by the anger, insult or abuse, some one is trying to pass on to you or already passed on to you successfully and you are stewing yourself. Give the same treatment to that person as described in the story.

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Parent page: Articles on ‘Relationships’

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