Sometimes a person blames you for no fault of yours, or behaves in an improper manner, hurting your feelings.
Scenario I: In this scenario, you immediately feel bad and search for your alleged fault or wonder how you deserved such a treatment form the blamer. It is possible, you did not do anything wrong, as alleged and wonder why the blamer picked on you. Or if you really did something wrong, you blow it up in your mind. Wait, you can create another scenario.
Scenario II: As soon as you hear the blaming words, visualize yourself dressed as a judge, sitting in the high chair of the judge in the court room. In the role of the judge, you are patiently listening to the blamer, making out a case to prosecute your original self. In the role of the impartial judge, you realize you were blaming your original self without demanding supporting proof from the blamer and not giving yourself the benefit of doubt.
When you are convinced as an impartial judge that the blame was totally baseless or blown up, you can look at this phenomena differently. Imagine that the blamer is hit with the blame bug. He develops the symptoms of this disease – shaking with anger, hatred, so on. He is now trying to infect you with his blame bug. If you let him succeed, the blame bug will work inside you, causing similar symptoms. You will get angry and look for some one to yell at. Or you find it easier to become angry at yourself and start bashing yourself. You need not become a victim like this. Try this alternative.
As soon as the blamer yells at you showing his symptoms of anger, hatred etc. realize that he was infected with the ‘blame bug’. He is exhibiting the symptoms of the ‘blaming disease’. He is trying to pass on that ‘bug’ to you to see you suffer like him. That is his plan. This sort of self realization works like a vaccine against being infected with the ‘blaming disease’. Once you adopt this attitude, you will look at the blamer for what he is – a sick person, struck with the ‘blaming bug’. You will feel sorry for the blamer for suffering from that disease. When you develop this healthy attitude, the ‘blaming bug’ does not enter your mind and affect your behavior. You will remain a healthy and happy person. Isn’t this a better response than Scenario – I?
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Parent page: Articles on ‘Relationships’