Counting Breaths

Sometimes a person blames you for no fault of yours, or behaves in an improper manner hurting your feelings. You feel bad and look for your alleged faults. If you did something wrong, you blow up your fault out of proportion. If you remain cool and impartially judge your actions, like a judge in a court room, you would realize you were blaming yourself without supporting proof and not giving yourself the benefit of doubt, just because you were unknowingly tricked by the blamer. Let us color this phenomena differently. Imagine the blamer is hit with the blame bug. He develops the symptoms of the disease – anger, hatred etc. He comes in contact with you and infects you with the blame bug. The blame bug works inside you. You begin to look for some one to blame. You find it easiest to blame your own self, rather than others. Stop. You can avoid becoming a victim. As soon as the blamer shows anger, hatred etc. realize that they are symptoms of the blame disease and that he is trying to infect you with that bug. This realization works like a vaccine against the blame disease. You will look at the blamer as a sick person struck with the blame bug. You will feel sorry for the blamer for suffering from the blame disease. The blame bug does not enter you. You remain a healthy and happy person. Isn’t this a total reversal of the situation?

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Imagine this scenario.

You are the person (A) standing on the side walk, waiting for your friend. A walker passing by laughs at you and quietly goes ahead. You are surprised. You look at your dress and find it OK. You pull out a small hand mirror from your hand bag and look at your face. Nothing wrong. You are puzzled, offended and angry at the walker. Why did he laugh at me? What is wrong with me? Thoughts are racing in your mind. But you can do nothing but keep watching the walker moving ahead.

A few yards ahead, there is another person (B) standing on the side walk. As the walker goes past  (B), he laughs at (B) also.  You find absolutely nothing about (B) to laugh at. You are less worried and more curious now. What is going on here?

A few yards ahead there is another person (C) standing on the side walk. The walker looks at (C) and laughs like he laughed at you and (B). You find nothing wrong with (C). What would you think now? You won’t be worried any more at the behavior of the walker and its impact on your own self because it is now very clear that he is crazy. How did you make this great discovery? By making a reality check when the walker laughed at you, at B and C. By continuing to watch the walker’s behavior when you found it unusual. By not immediately berating yourself when the walker cast a doubt on you.

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• I made up the above story in the year 2000, when a senior colleagues in my maintenance department came to my room with a serious complaint about the insulting behavior of the Production manager who was senior in rank. That manager was in the habit of talking down in an irritating manner to the managers of the maintenance department, in the daily production meeting. After hearing the story, my colleague cooled down, smiled and looked totally relieved of his stress.

• After 11 years, in 2011,  I repeated the same story to a woman attending my follow up classes, to overcome her stress at work due to the bad behavior of her boss. He was often verbally abusive, not only with her but with all her coworkers in the office, even in the presence of visitors. She was on the point of an emotional break down. After hearing this story, she was immediately relieved. Though she knew that the problem is with her boss and not with her or any of her coworkers, she was feeling miserable. To make the healing message of this story support her in the office, I crumpled up a small colored paper and placed on my head, and spoke to her abusively, acting like her boss. I said the bug sitting on top of my head is making me behave abusively not only with her but with every one in the office, A, B, C and D.  I asked her to keep the crumpled paper on her desk every day and frequently look at it. It would remind her throughout the day, that her boss has a bug on his head and there is nothing wrong with her. When she came after a week for the next class, she said that looking at the the symbol of the bug on her table was helping her remain cool when her boss was acting crazy and blaming her for no reason or an insignificant reason. Her coworkers who did not know what the crumpled paper meant for her, told her to throw away the trash paper sitting on her table. But she kept smiling and ignored them.

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When does his pen become your pen?

I heard a spiritual teacher giving the bare bones of this idea on TV many years ago. I have put flesh on the bones.

He said “Suppose some one is trying to give his pen to you. It does not look good and you do not wish to receive it. When does his pen become your pen?

It happens only when ALL the following events are fulfilled”.
1. You eyes focus on the pen held in his extended hand.
2. You show your readiness to receive it, extending your hand and opening your palm.
3. While seeing his pen moving towards your palm or even while feeling the pen being placed in it, you do not withdraw your hand.
4. You meekly grasp the pen placed in your palm.
5. You take the pen and place it in your pocket
6. You make sure you do not lose the pen.

If you fail to fulfill even one of the above conditions, his pen can not be with you.

Now think of all the ACTIONS you can take to avoid possessing his pen.
1. You LOOK AWAY from the pen. Failing this -
2. You DO NOT extend your hand or DO NOT open your palm showing your willingness to receive the pen. A pen can not be placed in a closed palm. Failing this –
3. When you see his hand moving towards your open palm and feel the pen being placed in it, you immediately withdraw your hand and let the pen fall to the ground, surprising him. Failing this -
4. You drop the pen as soon as he places it in your hand, shocking him. Failing this -
5. You take the pen behaving like a gentleman and go away. At the earliest opportunity you quietly drop it in the trash can with a smile on your lips for tricking him.

You thus have plenty of opportunities to avoid becoming the victim of the unwanted pen. When you fail to use these opportunities, is it fair to blame him for his success in transferring his pen to you?

You can now apply this simplistic analogy to adult life experiences – when somebody (say Paul) is trying to insult you or has already done it. Simply replace the pen in the above story by the anger, insult or abuse, some one is trying to pass on to you or already passed on to you successfully and you are stewing yourself. Give the same treatment to that person as described in the story.

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Let us start with some imaginary scenarios to bring out an important concept.

A boy ‘A’ was playing with a ball. He was throwing it to a wall, it was bouncing back to him, he was catching it and was throwing it back to the wall. On one occasion, he missed his catch and the ball hit his head. A person ‘B’ made a video recording of this missed-ball sequence, from the moment the ball left the hand of the boy, till it hit his head.

Next, he cut the total sequence into two parts. Part one showed the action from the moment the ball left the boy’s hand till it contacted the wall. Part two showed the balance action from the moment the ball leaves the wall, till the ball contacts the boy’s head.

He then showed only the part two of the sequence to a person ‘C’ who immediately commented that something mysterious happened. How can a wall throw a ball to a boy and hit him on his head? Then he was shown part one of the sequence and then part 2. ‘C’ immediately realized that what he saw was something quite natural, the ball was thrown at the wall and it bounced back to hit the boy when he missed it.

Now imagine another scenario. Two persons ‘A’ and ‘B’ were walking on a road. Suddenly ‘B’ hit ‘A’ for no apparent reason and ‘B’ hit him back. A third person ‘C’ made a video recording of this total incident and cut it into two parts.

He then showed part two of the sequence to a person ‘D’ who immediately commented that ‘B’ was  a very bad person for hitting ‘A’ for no reason. When ‘C’ showed the part one of the sequence, ‘D’ immediately reversed his comment and said that ‘B’ did the right thing in hitting ‘A’. If he did not teach ‘A’ the lesson, he would have been hitting many others.

In both the above imaginary scenarios, the impressions created and the comments they generated on seeing the only the second (or the reaction) part of the incidents, were false. Immediately on seeing the part one (or the action that caused the reaction) of the incident, the people reversed their conclusions. If the onlookers had not seen the first parts they would have persisted in their wrong conclusions.

Alternatively the onlookers could have asked the videographer “Did anything happen before the incident you are showing us’. If they thought of this possibility and taken the time to inquire for possible reasons for the incidents shown to them, they might have found the causes for the part two’s of the incidents. Justice would have been done to everybody.

Now come to real life situations. Whenever we see somebody behaving in an improper manner, most of us jump to judgments and pass immediate comments. We have no interest, time or patience to probe for the potential first parts. We can think of the above imaginary scenarios and ask ourselves the question ”Could there be some cause for this person to behave in this manner? Is he or she acting on own or reacting to some thing that happened earlier? Let me see the total person and not the half person before I judge and make comments”. We can hold our judgments and take time to get the first parts and the total picture. We will then be wiser and avoid some regrets.

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This is a story I read in my childhood class books. Later in life, it’s deep significance hit me. The story goes like this -

Androcles was a slave in a Greek kingdom. Disgusted with the life of a slave, he ran  away knowing well the risk of death if he gets caught. As was the practice in the kingdom, a roll call was taken of all the slaves the next morning. Androcles was found missing and immediately a big band of soldiers set on the task of finding him in the dense forest.

Androcles ran away as fast as he could. When he could not run any more due to hunger and exhaustion he sat on a boulder resigned to his fate of being caught by the soldiers or be eaten by  wild animals. Either way he knew he would die, it was only a matter of time.

As he was watching with resignation he saw a lion approaching him at a distance. He knew he had no chance of running away from it in his hungry and exhausted condition. He was watching the approaching lion with resignation. To his surprise the lion was not running towards him. It was walking slowly unlike a normal lion. When it came near him, he saw that it was walking very slowly because one of it’s legs was limping. He guessed  it must be very hungry as there is no free food in the forest for injured lions unable to hunt. He expected the lion to jump on him any moment and feed itself. But as he was already resigned to his death he continued to watch the actions of the lion with resignation.

The lion came to his feet and Androcles saw it raising it’s paw about to strike him. He closed his eyes anticipating the paw strike. He was surprised when there was no paw strike. He opened his eyes and found the paw still up in the air close to his face as though the lion was showing the sole of that leg to him. His fear disappeared and his curiosity was aroused. Keenly observing the sole of the foot he found it was swollen quite a bit. He guessed the cause may be a thorn embedded in the sole. He got fully involved in the situation and took the courageous step of taking the paw in his hands, locating the tiny thorn and removing it. He squeezed out all the pus and bandaged it with part of his dress. Now he waited for the lion to attack and kill him. But the loin quietly walked away into the dense forest to his utter disbelief.

After some time, the king’s soldiers found him, shackled and took him back to the  kingdom. As per the prevailing law, his punishment was announced in the kingdom . On the appointed day, the people of the kingdom assembled in the large arena. Androcles was brought in and tied to a pole. A cage was brought into the arena with a lion inside. The cage door was opened and the lion set free. People waited to see the gruesome act of the lion eating Androcles live.

The lion came running to Androcles and as soon as it touched him, it stopped dead in it’s track and started licking his feet. The people and the king were stunned at the miracle of a hungry lion sparing it’s prey and behaving like a pet dog. You guessed it right! It was the same lion he had helped by taking out it’s thorn.

On knowing about the background, the king set Androcles free. The story ends happily. The events of the story trigger a series of thoughts …

Look at what Androcles did in the forest.

When he saw the lion slowly coming towards him he could have run away and saved himself. But he might have been captured by the king’s soldiers and met his death any way. He saw the inevitability of his death either way but had the courage to continue to look at the lion and it’s condition. He wished to use his available life in the best possible manner.

He had the keen observation and a cool mind to locate the thorn in it’s sole in that life threatening situation. He had the good nature of trying to help a suffering animal in spite of the immediate risk of his own death. He did not expect any return favor from the lion.

Now let us look at what the lion did. It had the presence of mind to see a potential savior in Androcles knowing it will otherwise die of hunger being unable to hunt for it’s food. It could be that  he had a gun or knife with which he could have killed it. A lion being the king of the forest has to swallow great pride to seek help from a weakling like Androcles. After it got help from him, the lion had the decency of not killing and feeding on the person who saved it’s life.

The lion is the most powerful animal in the forest. Though it is a small animal, it can kill even an elephant several times it’s size. But here is the irony of nature. A lion can kill an elephant but it can’t take out the thorn in it’s own foot even when that thorn is causing it’s starvation and ultimate death.

Compared to the lion, Androcles is a weak and puny creature. But he has the unique capacity to diagnose the cause for the lion’s handicap and take out the thorn in it’s foot.

What did Androcles do for the lion and what did he get back in return? He took out a tiny thorn in it’s foot spending about 1/2 hour and he got his whole life back from it!

How often we may be handicapped due to some thorns in our bodies, minds or relationships and suffer endlessly, unable to take them out on our own? Sometimes we may not even be aware of the hidden thorns. Each one of us need an Androcles some times to help us take out the thorns. But we may not be as humble as the lion to seek help from apparently weaker people. Our pride may prevent us from  seeking help.

How much better our lives could be if we can behave like the lion and Androcles, in seeking help and giving meaningful help? Taking out tiny thorns and getting lives back!

Lastly, how many of us intentionally or otherwise insert thorns into minds, bodies or relationships rather than taking some of them out?

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Imagine this scenario.

Your name is John and you are 40 years young. Today is your birth day. Your parents took pictures (photos) of you on all your birth days. One picture is taken just now. All the pictures are numbered – John #1 to John # 40 and displayed on the wall. We are both looking at them.

Our dialogue may go like this. My name is CS.

C S: Which one of these 40 pictures are you?

John: All are mine.

C S: None of the 39 pictures look like you except John # 40!

John: I was like each one of them in the past.I have been changing a little every year.

C S: You mean the 39 Johns are only your past images or memories of you?

John: Of course.

C S: Can you see any of those 39 Johns who were real and living some time back, any time, anywhere in the universe?

John: Never. All of them have disappeared forever.

C S: What do we call the people who were living in the past but can never be seen any more?

John: Dead.

C S: Are you saying that all the 39 JOHNS are dead and only JOHN # 40 is alive?

John: How do you call John dead? I am very much alive in this form!

C S: Yes only John # 40 is ticking with life. All the other Johns do not exist anywhere nor will reappear any time which means they are as good as dead. They exist only in imagination.

John: I am very much attached to all my past selves though they are no more. Even to imagine them dead hurts my feelings.

C S: You mean that you, the living John # 40, are fond of and emotionally attached to the 39 dead Johns. You do not seem to have any awareness or attachment to John# 40 pulsing with life inside you right now. Is it because you enjoy the memory of the 39 dead Johns or because you are helpless in carrying their memories or you just got into the habit of ignoring the living self and being busy with the past selves?

The imaginary dialogue with John ends here. Now consider these thoughts -

The visible changes noticed in John’s yearly pictures did not take place suddenly on the nights preceding his birthdays. He was changing a little bit every day though these changes can not be seen with the limited capacity of our senses, just as the naked eyes can not see any thing less than 40 microns which is the smallest visible dot you can make on a paper.

Imagine that the pictures were taken every month instead of every year. Then there would be one living John # 40 and pictures of 468 dead Johns (39 times 12) with real differences that we can not see. Go one more step. A picture taken every day will show 4416 dead Johns. One picture every hour will be 105984 dead Johns. There can only be one living John at any point of time but there are infinite dead Johns with infinitismally small but real differences.

John is obviously unaware of the one and only living John # 40 with a pulsing heart and lungs. By his logic, he will become aware of John # 40 only when he becomes John # 41 and John # 40 also dies. This phenomena of totally ignoring the only living John will continue indefinitely till the final John dies. What should we call this? – funny, ironical or stupid? What causes this strange behavior?

How simple, lighter and happier will our lives be if we can find a way to be naturally and spontaneously aware, at every instant, of just the present self pulsing with life and be free from the habitual or compulsive burden of the infinite dead selves? Can we detach ourselves from the infinite selves that are dying at every moment and giving birth to the one and only ONE LIVING SELF?

How can we do it?

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I remember the hand written quote on an irregularly cut small card board placard hanging slantingly on the wall, in the small room under the water tank in the employees quarters where Mr Vyasa Murthy assisted by his associates was giving free homeopathic medicines. He was serving the people this way for the last 15 years. Their group members contribute money every month, from their modest salaries to buy medicines. They do not believe in taking money even from the affluent people. They started one more center in another nearby village also.

The quote says “Serve until you (really) forget you are serving”. The bracketed word ‘really’ is my addition. Their spirit is permanently etched in my mind.

What I have seen in many people who are genuinely into service activities, is that their minds are highly conditioned (or dogmatic) in a particular fashion. Any conditioned thinking reduces our closeness to others. It makes us feel separate from others and less human. How to get rid of past conditioning is a life long task. Total de-conditioning automatically leads to spontaneous service, because we realize that all of us are part of one big thing though we all look different.

Symbolically speaking, we are like waves in an ocean, each wave having a unique look, whose shape keeps on changing from non existence, to its maximum height and finally back to non existence. If we are continuously changing as above, what is our permanent identity? We have to choose one of the two – either we are a wave or the ocean. As the zero-to-zero (ever changing) wave, can not be my permanent identity, it has to be the ocean. All the waves are the ocean itself at their bottom lines. They start from the ocean, take individual and changing shapes and finally merge into the ocean. This realization comes after many years of meditation. Then serving others feels like serving own self, as others and self are felt to be ‘One’ at the base.

Knowing and agreeing on this concept is one kind of game. Really feeling it inside and acting on it, is a totally different game. The real test of our inner acceptance of this concept is – whether we feel same kind and degree of closeness and compassion towards one and all – own family members, outsiders with low incomes, shabbily dressed people, handicapped people, sick people, dying people, thieves, murderers, rich people, prostitutes … so on. If we do not feel ‘One’ with every one of them, our actions are still arising out of conditioned thinking. We have a long way to go.

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We sometimes experience small or big adverse events in life, causing a lot of suffering at the moment. Later, they may turn out to be blessings. This concept is nicely brought out in this story from India.

Once upon a time, there was a king. Whenever he or others around him had an adverse experience, the minister would immediately say “whatever happens is for something good”.  One day, the king was practicing sword fighting and accidentally, his right thumb was cut off. The king was feeling very bad, as he would not be able to use his bow and arrow without his thumb. But to the consternation of the king and every one present, the minister quietly said in his usual style “whatever happens is for something good”. The king was furious and said “I have tolerated your stupid statement all along but today you have made me mad. I am ordering the soldiers to put you in the prison. Even when the minister was being taken to the prison, he said “whatever happens is for something good”. The king and the people around him thought the minister was totally nuts.

After a few days, the king went to the forest along with his staff, for hunting. Around noon, he was tired and slept under a tree.  When he woke up after some time, he found that the staff member who was sleeping by his side was missing. Though his people searched for him all around, he could not be traced. Later on, they came to know from the court spies that the missing staff member was abducted by local tribal people and killed for human sacrifice to their God. The king realized that he himself was not picked up, as he had no thumb, making him unfit for sacrifice to God. He realized the truth behind the famous words of his minister, as losing his thumb resulted in saving his life itself. When he reached his kingdom, he ordered the immediate release of the minister from the prison.

After the minister came out of the prison, the king asked him “I accept that losing my thumb saved my life in the forest. How was going into prison good for you?”
The minister smilingly replied “If you had not put me in prison, I would have been sleeping by your side in the forest and the tribal people would have picked me up for human sacrifice.” The king burst out laughing, admiring the wisdom behind his words.

Moral of the story: Some adverse events may subsequently lead to beneficial turning points in life.

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The Birthday boy Sam, not a boy really, but a young man, invited many families for a party at his house. All of them assembled early in the big party hall at the first floor, waiting for him to appear on the scene.

Sam was briskly coming down the steps from the second floor.He was dressed in a beautiful suit and his face was beaming happily. All the visitors were watching him coming down, anticipating the celebration.He came almost to the second last step, suddenly missed a step and fell forward with his knees hitting the carpet with a thud.

All the guests fell silent with not a word. A few standing close to him ran forward to help him rise up. There was a pin drop silence.

Sam was stunned by the fall. He was not badly hurt and was able to get up on his own. Now he has two choices -

Choice One:
Sam could feel mortified, miserable and ashamed at the way he fell on his birthday in front of all his guests. He can show his misery by apologizing to them repeatedly, continue to feel miserable throughout the party and distribute his misery to all his guests. He could completely destroy every one’s happy moods. His guests would remember his fall and the miserable way he behaved after it, all their life.

His primary suffering due to the pain in his knees might disappear in a few hours but his secondary suffering for falling in public might linger for many days, weeks, months or all his life. But he has another option.

Choice Two:
Alternatively, Sam could rise up feeling surprised, look closely at the place he tripped and exaggeratedly laugh saying “What a day to fall!”. He could then join the guests feeling silly rather than miserable and make every one feel at ease. His guests would remember his response to the fall with admiration and wish they could take their own falls as smartly as Sam.

The same person, the same fall but what a contrasting choice of responses! Totally different responses, with totally different impacts on own self and others. What choice would you recommend to Sam or Paul or to yourself  when the next fall takes place? Choice one or two?

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A monk visited a kingdom and at the end of the visit, he gave the king a small sealed box. He told the king to keep it in his pocket all the time but open it only when he felt his life was coming to an end.

After some time the king was attacked by a neighboring king’s army and lost the battle. He ran away with a band of soldiers chased by a large group of enemy soldiers. On the way, he lost all his men while defending him. He was running all alone desperate to save himself. He finally reached the edge of a deep valley. If he went forward he would fall into the valley and die. If he stayed there he would be caught by enemy soldiers and killed. He felt that his life was coming to an end either way. He remembered about the small sealed box given by the monk. He opened it and found nothing but a piece of paper. Written on it were only four words “This Too Shall Pass”. He was disappointed that no magic power sprang up from inside to save his life. But he trusted the wisdom of the monk. He took a deep breath, calmed himself and gained composure. He tried to make sense of the four words in the message of the monk.

He looked back in the direction he came from and to his delight he did not find any of the enemy soldiers. Even after a long time none came in sight. Apparently the enemy soldiers lost track of him quite some time back. Now he felt safe and walked carefully to the nearby village. Gradually he reassembled his loyal army and recaptured his kingdom.

What saved his life and helped him regain his kingdom? Only those four words “This Too Shall Pass”. They made him look at his crisis situation from a totally different angle, helped him regain his composure and helped him see the opportunity in that near death scenario. If he did not heed those words he would have jumped to an honorable death, not willing to be captured by the enemy and face a humiliating death in the hands of the enemy.

Some Problems Are Solved By Ignoring Them
This reminds me of an allied philosophy that I heard from one of our senior managers.

We faced a crisis situation due to work stoppage in the manufacturing shop where our Industrial Engineering department revised some standard times based on time studies. The workers were unhappy as their incentive earnings were affected. They stopped work demanding compensation. A team of us from our department and the production department went to the General Manager of the plant and unburdened our distress. We expected a magic solution from him with his rich experience.

The General Manager continued to listen but gave no response. We felt he did not share our crisis perception and agitation one bit. He looked cool as ice even after 30 minutes of presentation by all of us. Seeing his coolness was in a sense, comforting. If the General Manager with much larger responsibility could be so cool why should we be so worried?

We sensed he was offering no magic solution. One of us finally gathered courage and asked him “Sir! We wonder how you could be so cool when all of us are in such a desperate situation? What is the secret of your coolness?”

He calmly replied “My dear friends! Some problems are solved by ignoring them”. We all laughed heartily and came out of his room feeling lighter in heart. In a few days the workers cooled down and a solution emerged to resolve the crisis and resume production.